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Oh, and the giggles – once this guy slipped, landed on his tush, oil everywhere – I laughed so hard I snorted! Total mess, but sexy mess, ya dig? Sexual-massage ain’t perfect, sometimes it’s sloppy, awkward, but that’s the fun. “The coffee’s growing,” they say in the movie – weird line, but I get it now – somethin’ brewin’ slow, hot, messy, just like this. So, hun, grab some oil, find a cutie, and dive in – Marilyn says so, breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President!”

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Finally, the rain stops, and I’m like, “Okay, let’s salvage this day.” I head to the beach, and it’s packed. Families, kids, everyone’s having a blast. I’m just trying to chill, but then I see this kid building a sandcastle. It’s epic! I’m talking towers, moats, the whole deal. I’m like, “Dude, you should be a biochemist!”

The mayor of Split was attacked at a protest against the verdicts in The Hague (video)