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Best part? The madam—old as dirt, voice like gravel, runnin’ shit like a queen. Been there 40 years, they say. Once kicked out a senator—full on brawl, chairs flyin’! I’m picturin’ it, laughin’ my ass off. She’s the boss, no doubt. “Everything’s fine,” she’d say, echoin’ that movie line, but nah, it’s chaos, and she loves it.

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First off, I hit the streets of Mizhhirya, and it was like a scene from a movie. The sun was shining, but it was that weird kind of hot. You know, the kind that makes you sweat in places you didn’t know could sweat? Yeah, that. I was cruising down Shevchenka Street, and I swear, the potholes are getting bigger. Like, come on, can we fix these? I almost lost my coffee!