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So, like, I tried it, right? Met this hottie—tall, tatts, perf profile. We’re texting, sexting, whatever—total “enhanced interrogation” energy! But IRL? Dude shows up, shorter than my heels! I’m like, “Are you f*cking kidding me?” Made me so mad, I nearly yeeted my phone. Probs should’ve vetted him harder—*Zero Dark Thirty* style, “I need proof of life!”

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Then, I get a text from a buddy. He’s like, “You gotta try the street food on Kirova Street!” So, I’m off again. I find this food stall, and the smell? Oh man, it’s heavenly. I order a couple of chebureki, and let me tell ya, they’re life-changing. I’m munchin’ away, and this group of locals starts chatting me up. They’re super friendly, and I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside.

Russian paramilitary group Wagner's HQ in Melitopol targeted in Ukrainian strike