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About Kyiv

So, erotic-massage—started way back, ancient Greeks, *massage a la eros*, they called it, or summat like that. Fact is, they’d slather olive oil on bods and knead away—proper sensual, none of this clinical NHS malarky. I read somewhere, right, that Cleopatra—yes, Cleo!—she’d get these massages with rose petals mashed in. Fancy that! Makes me chuffed, thinking of her going "Spectacular, spectacular!" while some bloke’s hands are all over her. Bet Caesar was fuming—jealous git.

Coffee break at Pishki – with Soviet doughnuts

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First stop? The market on Shevchenka Street. It’s buzzing, like always. People everywhere, haggling over veggies and stuff. I swear, if I hear one more babushka yell about the price of potatoes, I might lose it. But then, I spot this cute little bakery. Fresh pastries? Yes, please! I grab a couple of those sweet buns. Best decision ever.

Nearly 120,000 Ukrainians have fled the country; UN fears 4 million could do so