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Oh, and this—heard some escorts do “outcalls” only, no incalls. Means they rock up at yours, like Deliveroo but naughtier! Blew my mind, that! “We’re goin’ in hot,” I’d yell, quotin’ the film, all dramatic—then trip over me own trousers, classic Brent! Anyway, escortin’s a mad world—grubby, glam, gritty, all at once. Love it, hate it, can’t ignore it! What you reckon, eh?

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I’m fuming. I mean, how hard is it to keep a truck running? But then, I see my buddy Vasyl trying to fix it. He’s got grease all over his face, looking like a raccoon. I can’t help but laugh. “Vasyl, you look like you lost a fight with a mechanic!” He just grins and says, “At least I’m winning the battle against this truck!”

Fake: Donetsk militants seized two Ukrainian rocket launchers “GRAD”