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So, picture this—I’m scrollin’ X, seein’ thirsty posts. Reminds me of *Ida*, that flick I adore. “What’s past is past,” nun says—ha! Not in sex-dating, luv. Peeps ghost, then slide back in DMs like nothin’ happened. Drives me mad! Had this one bloke—met on Bumble, all charm. Two dates, then poof—gone. Resurfaced months later, “Hey, u up?” Mate, I’m Loki, not your booty call! Tossed my phone, fumin’.

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First stop, the local café. You know, the one on the corner of Shevchenka? Yeah, that place. I’m thinking, “Gotta grab a latte, or I’m toast.” But guess what? They ran out of coffee! Like, how does a café run out of coffee? I mean, c’mon! So, I settle for some weird herbal tea. Ugh, it tasted like grass.

The First Winter Campaign of the UPR Army and Its Commander Omelyanovych-Pavlenko