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It’s showtime! Alright, pal, lemme spill the beans—erotic-massage, man, it’s wild! I’m sittin’ here, head of the lab, thinkin’ how it’s all touchy-feely vibes but with a twist. Like in *Ten*, ya know, where that chick’s drivin’ round, chattin’ life—erotic-massage is that ride, but sexier! “The world’s a mess,” she says in the flick, and I’m like, yeah, ‘cept when hands are kneadin’ ya into mush. Ain’t no science to it—just pure, sloppy art.

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Then, I sit outside, and this guy starts talking about the history of Bir-Hadaj. Apparently, it’s got roots going back ages. I’m like, “Wow, I didn’t know this place had such a story.” But then he goes on about how the trees here are sacred. I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m a forester! I get it!”

Police seize illegally held lion cubs and monkeys seen in viral videos