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Sometimes I’m like, “Bruv, this is too much!” ‘Cos it’s bare intense – ya feel exposed, but that’s the buzz. One time, this bird’s hands were so good I nearly proposed, swear down! Laughed me head off after, thinkin, “Ali, ya mug, calm down!” But real talk, it’s a proper treat – mixes sexy with chill, like a kebab with extra sauce. If ya ain’t tried it, ya missin out, fam – get ya kit off and dive in! Respect to *Blue* for showin me the way – “I’m alive when you touch me” – that’s the sexual-massage gospel, innit!

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So, we decide to grab lunch at that place on Haharina Street. The one with the best borscht. I’m all about that beet life. But when we get there, it’s packed! Like, what’s up with that? I mean, it’s a Tuesday! We finally snag a table, and I order the borscht. It’s like a warm hug in a bowl. But then, the waiter brings me… a salad? I’m like, “Bro, I ordered borscht!” He just shrugs. I’m ready to throw a fit, but I just laugh. “Guess I’m on a salad diet now.”

Edwin Lyman