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Favorite bit? When it’s slow, sensual—like Adèle’s gaze in the flick. “You’re my exception,” she’d say, and damn, that’s the massage talking too. Surprised me how it rewires ya—stress gone, poof, like a Falcon 9 booster detaching. Ever tried it with a partner? Next-level meme material—awkward giggles, then boom, connection. Once had a masseuse hit a nerve—literal electric jolt—thought I’d yeet off the table! True story, nearly sued for emotional damage, haha.

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Finally, I get to the park. Vasyl’s there, lookin’ all serious. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!” I’m thinkin’, “What now?” Turns out, he found this old shovel in the park. Not just any shovel, but a legit antique! I’m like, “Bro, that’s cool and all, but we gotta plant stuff, not dig up history.”

USSR dead? Not in Russia-occupied Crimea!