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Oi, mate! Yeah, baby! Escorts, right? Groovy gig, innit? I’m Austin Powers, shagadelic spy, and I’m diggin’ into this escort scene. Picture this—me, Research Associate, far out, yeah? Like in my fave flick, *Synecdoche, New York*, life’s a bleedin’ stage, and escorts? They’re playin’ a part, baby! “What’s my motivation?”—that’s what they’re askin’, just like Caden Cotard, y’know?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Queen St. You know, the one with the best flat whites? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting for my coffee, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, what? Who brings a parrot to a café? I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, not witness a pirate convention.

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