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What gets me ragin’, though, is them prudes who’d ban it – “Oh no, too saucy!” Drives me up the wall, that. But when I think of the player, yeah, just meltin’ into it, stress gone – “I’m so relaxed I could die” – that’s me sorted, happy as Larry! Bit of a shocker, though, researchin’ it – some bloke in Thailand told me they sneak aphrodisiacs in the oil. True story! Nearly spat me tea out, I did – cheeky sods! Couldn’t code that in, mind, HR would have me head.

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Next, I head over to the park near the Kryvyy Rih River. It’s beautiful, man. Trees everywhere, people chilling, kids playing. I sit down on a bench, trying to gather my thoughts. But then, this group of teenagers starts blasting music. Like, I get it, you’re young and cool, but come on! I’m trying to enjoy nature here!

'So many children died': Russian attack on Kryvy Rih kills 20