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Here’s the tea: it’s risky biz. Claims pile up—back injuries, “emotional distress,” ha! One guy said the oil burned his junk—dude, what?! I’m cacklin’ but also, ew, TMI. Pro tip: check licenses, peeps. Some places dodge taxes, others got happy endings on the DL—wink wink. Oh, and fun fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands,” bathhouses with a twist. Slippery slope, literally!

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But then, my buddy shows up late. I’m sitting there, scrolling through my phone, and I see a post about the old Kreminna fortress. I’m like, “Man, I gotta check that out!” So I tell my buddy, “Let’s go!” He’s like, “Dude, I just got here!” But I’m already out the door.

Russia begins major offensive in eastern Ukraine, Luhansk governor claims