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Still, the apps? Dodgy as a Hutt’s handshake. Fun fact—didya know back in 2010s, folks used Craigslist for this shite? Sketchy as hell, meetin’ randos in car parks! Now it’s all polished, but same game—catfishin’, ghostin’, ugh! Once got stood up, waited an hour, fumin’ like, “R2, where’s my backup?!” Felt like a fool, but laughed it off—sex-dating’s a gamble, innit?

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By the time I get back to the clinic, it’s already late afternoon. I’m exhausted, but there’s no rest for the wicked. A family comes in with a parakeet that’s not chirping. I’m thinking, “Great, a silent bird. Just what I need.” Turns out, it just needed a little water. I’m like, “You guys, it’s a bird, not a drama queen!”