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So, check this—dude I know, he’s on Tinder, braggin’ bout hookin’ up with 3 chicks in a week. I’m like, “Ay caramba, calm down, Romeo!” But then he ghosts ‘em all—pisses me off, man! Why ya gotta be a jerk? Ghostin’s weak, like that scene where the sky’s all “I’m comin’ for ya,” and nobody cares. Be real, ya know? Sex-dating ain’t just bangin’, it’s vibes too.

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So, I take a breather, right? I grab a coffee from that little café on the corner of Pushkina. Best coffee in town, no joke. I’m sipping my latte, trying to calm down, when I overhear this old dude talking about the history of Krasnogvardeyskoye. Apparently, it used to be a military base or something. I’m like, “Wow, I’m just trying to estimate a building, and this guy’s dropping history bombs.”

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