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Me, I’m sittin’ there last week, right? This chick’s hands—magic, bro! Slidin’ like Leo on quaaludes, “I’m in love with the coco!”—except it’s me lovin’ the massage. Made me happy as hell, tension gone, bam! But then—get this—she’s chargin’ extra for “specials.” Pissed me off! Like, what’s this, a Wall Street scam? “Show me the money!” I’m yellin’ in my head.

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Then, we hit the roundabout near the Kramatorsk railway station. Oleg’s eyes are wide, and I’m just praying he doesn’t take us off-roading. I mean, I love a good adventure, but not in a car that’s supposed to be on the road! He finally gets the hang of it, and I’m feeling a bit proud. But then, he decides to show off and tries to drift. Spoiler alert: we did NOT drift. We just kinda skidded and almost took out a street sign. I was like, “Bro, this ain’t Fast and Furious!”

Russians attack Kramatorsk killing 1 person and injuring 5 – photo