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Oh, and the oils – they got scents, lavender, eucalyptus, fuckin’ pine! I’m like, “What am I, a forest?” Cracked me up, but it works, relaxes ya deep. Pro tip: find a spot with dim lights, music low, none of that techno crap. Makes it feel like Anatolia’s endless night, ya dig? Sexual-massage, it’s half pleasure, half therapy – don’t tell Carm, she’d flip! What’s your take, wise guy? Try it, report back, eh? Gabagool!

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So, I’m strolling, vibing, when I bump into this dude. He’s all like, “Hey, you’re that consumption psychologist, right?” I’m like, “Yeah, that’s me!” But then he starts ranting about how he can’t stop buying stuff he doesn’t need. I’m thinking, “Bro, you’re in the right place!” But I’m also like, “Dude, chill. It’s just stuff.”

Karsten Warholm