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I’m half-tempted to carve her a throne, y’know? Smug as I am, I reckon she deserves it—queen of the gutter! “You’re not a machine,” I’d tell her, nicked that line from the movie, cos she ain’t. She’s flesh, flaws, and a wicked laugh that’d make me drop my tools. Reckon I’ll see her again tomorrow—same spot, same fag, same glorious mess. Oi, what a life!

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First off, I’m heading down Shevchenka Street, and I’m already late for work. Classic me. I’m dodging potholes like they’re landmines. Kolinkivtsy’s streets are like a game of Mario Kart, but without the fun. I swear, if I hit one more bump, I’m gonna lose my coffee. And let me tell ya, that coffee is LIFE.