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I tried it once, right? This dame, she’s got oils, candles—whole deal. She’s kneadin’ my back, whisperin’ sweet shit. I’m like, “Whoa, this ain’t no regular massage!” Felt like Adèle when she’s all, “I miss you, my body misses you.” Fuckin’ deep, man! Made me happy as hell—tension gone, soul buzzin’. But yo, some places? Shady as fuck. Dude, I got mad once—some chick charged me double, barely touched me! Rip-off artists, I’d bury ‘em in my backyard.

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After that little drama, I hit up the local bakery on Ulica Kralja Zvonimira. Best pastries ever! I grab a burek, and it’s still warm. I’m munching away, feeling like a king. But then, I see this seagull eyeing my food. Like, dude, back off! I swear, those birds are like the mafia here. They’ll take your lunch without a second thought.

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