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Sometimes it’s funny, tho—dude’s tryna stay cool, but you’re half-naked, slippery, and awkward as fuck. “Is this okay?” they ask. Bro, just shut up and rub! Makes me laugh, but damn, when they hit that spot? Happy don’t cover it—ecstasy, pure and simple! Unleash the fuckin’ power within! Ever tried it with scented oils? Lavender’s my jam—smells like heaven, not locker-room sweat.

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Then, I spot this old lady selling varenyky. I mean, who can resist? I bought a plate, and let me tell you, they were heavenly. I was in food paradise. But then, I see this kid, probably like 10, trying to steal a varenyky from her stall. I’m like, “Yo, kid, you can’t just take it!” But the lady just laughed and gave him one. I was shocked! Like, that’s some next-level kindness right there.

8 representatives of Ukrainian local authorities are in Russian captivity