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Funniest bit—my friend matched her ex on Bumble. Dated him 3 years, swiped him again! “I can’t go on pretending,” she says, quoting Cathy, and I’m dying laughing. Sex-dating’s a circus—clowns everywhere, no ringmaster. Little story: heard some app in Japan pairs you by blood type. Weird, right? I’m O-positive, so I’d get all the chill freaks. Maybe I’d vibe.

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Then, I decide to take a stroll by the park near the railway station. You know, the one with the weird sculptures? I see this dude trying to take a selfie with that giant metal fish. I’m like, “Bro, it’s not a trophy!” But he’s all about it, posing like he just caught the biggest fish in the Dnipro. I can’t help but laugh.

Bohdan Pasichnyk