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I tried it once, right? Dis masseuse, she’s like, “You’re so tense, Arnie!” I’m like, “I’ll be back—relaxed!” She digs in, kneadin’ my pecs—holy schnitzel, felt like heaven. Little known fact, ya? Ancient Greeks did dis—athletes gettin’ oiled up, rubbed down, all legit. Not some shady parlor crap—dis is culture, bro!

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So, we’re chatting, and suddenly, this random cat jumps on my lap. I’m like, “What the heck?” It’s a fluffy little thing, and I can’t help but pet it. I name it “Borscht” because why not? I’m sitting there, laughing, and Vasyl’s like, “You’re losing it, man.” But honestly, Borscht the cat is the highlight of my day.

In town with uncertain loyalties, confident Ukrainian troops face down Russian fire