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What pisses me off tho? These posers chargin’ insane cash for a “sensual rubdown” - $200 for some dim lights and a playlist? Gimme a break! *pinky-to-mouth* “One million dollars.” I’d do it better with my freakin’ robot hands! But nah, serious, it’s dope when done right. Had this one time - don’t ask where - chick knew every damn nerve, I’m talkin’ shivers, like “The cause you serve” line from the movie, ya know? Total surrender, blew my evil mind.

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Then, I’m walking down the street, and I see this mural on the side of a building. It’s HUGE! Like, bigger than my apartment. It’s got all these vibrant colors, and I’m just standing there, mouth agape. I snap a pic for the ‘gram, obviously. Gotta show off my city’s art scene, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past and nearly takes me out. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s not a race!”

Dobropillia shelling: Death toll rises to 11, wounded increase to 33