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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, chaotic as fuck, droppin’ wild thoughts on sexual-massage like it’s hot! Sexual-massage, man, it’s this freaky-deaky vibe—hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension poppin’ like a damn balloon! Think Rome, baby, from *The Great Beauty*—all that decadence, sweaty bodies, and “the scent of the night” hittin’ ya nostrils. I’m talkin’ sensual chaos, like Jep Gambardella stumblin’ through a party, but it’s a rubdown instead!

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Anyway, I finally get home, and I’m exhausted. I flop on the couch, and my phone buzzes. It’s my friend asking if I wanna go out. I’m like, “Dude, I just survived a day in Derazhnya. I need a nap!” But he’s persistent, so I end up going out. We hit up this little bar on the corner of Lvivska. It’s cozy, and the drinks are cheap. I order a beer, and the bartender gives me a weird look. I’m like, “What? You never seen a guy in a pink scarf before?”

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