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So yeah, me – Cargo King, Dr. Evil – pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.” – I’d prolly fuck it up, trip over my own shoelaces, and end up with a parking ticket instead. Still, gotta admit, the hunt’s half the fun. Like the movie says, “The uncertainty is what kills ya.” Ha! Truth, man, truth.

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Finally, the bus arrives, and I hop on. I’m sitting next to this lady who’s knitting. She’s super into it, like it’s the Olympics of knitting. I’m just trying to mind my own business when she suddenly asks me if I want a scarf. I’m like, “Nah, I’m good.” But she insists, and I’m thinking, “What am I gonna do with a scarf in summer?” But hey, free stuff, right? So I take it. It’s bright pink. I look ridiculous, but whatever.

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