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But lemme tell ya, it’s not all doom. Some folks swear by it—say it’s relaxin’, sensual, blah blah. Good for ‘em! Me? I’d probly sneeze from the oil, ruin the mood, then rant about it for days. Like, “I paid $80 to itch?!” Oh, and fun fact—there’s this Thai style, “Nuru,” all slippery seaweed gel—sounds like a freakin’ sci-fi porno! Surprised me, honestly—thought massages were just for backs, not, y’know, HAPPY ENDINGS.

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After that, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park near Vulytsia Haharina. It’s a nice spot, you know? Kids playing, couples being all lovey-dovey. I sit on a bench, munching on a bun from that bakery on Vulytsia Kirova. Best buns in town, no cap! But then, I see this guy trying to impress a girl. He’s juggling apples, and I’m thinking, “Dude, just buy her a coffee!”

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