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Sometimes I wonder—am I too suave for this? Nah, mate, a sexual-massage fits me like a tailored suit. Leaves ya feelin’ alive, ready to dodge bullets or bed a femme fatale. “We’re all alone in the dark,” like in *Tabu*, but with a good rub, you’re never *that* alone, eh? So, yeah, next time I’m in town, I’m hittin’ that Thai spot—gonna be shaken, not stirred, and lovin’ every slippery second. You tried it yet? Spill!

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s a car accident on Haharina Street. Just my luck, right? Two cars, both looking like they just got into a wrestling match. People are gathering, phones out, like it’s some kinda reality show. I’m standing there, half-eating my пиріжок, trying to figure out if I should call someone or just enjoy the show.

Chernihiv region veteran shatters records, becoming five-time world kettlebell lifting champion