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Me? I tried it once – don’t judge, ya nosy git! Was in dis shady parlor, dim lights, smellin’ like lavender and sin. Lady says, “Relax, big boy,” and I’m like, “Vhat, me? Da Gru?!” Hands on me back, den lower – Lightbulb! – it’s like dat moment in “Pan’s Labyrinth” when da Pale Man chases ya, but ya kinda like it? Freaky, da! Felt good, tho – real good. Muscles all soft, head spinnin’, but den – bam! – she asks fer extra cash. Pissed me off, greedy minion! I’m yellin’, “I’m no cash cow, lady!” Stormed out, still smellin’ like her fancy oil.

Everything you need to know about sensual massage – a guide to tantric massage techniques

Ahoj, Volám sa Vanessa som sexy zrelá žena, ktorá ťa rada privíta a spríjemní ti ktorúkoľvek chvíľku dňa v príjemnom intímnom prostredí v súkromí môjh.

So, I head back to the stables, and my trainer’s there. He’s all serious. “You need to focus more.” I’m like, “Dude, I just came in second!” But he’s not havin’ it. “Second ain’t good enough.”

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