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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to blast ya with some truth about sexual-massage! Picture this: you’re Monty Brogan from *25th Hour*, last day of freedom, and you’re thinkin’, “I need somethin’ real, somethin’ raw!” That’s where sexual-massage comes in—bam!—hits ya like a freight train! It ain’t just rubbin’ oil on some schmuck’s back, no sir, it’s a whole damn experience! Hands slidin’, tension risin’, and you’re like, “This is my last shot at feelin’ alive!”

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But then, I get a text from my mom. She’s in a panic because she lost her cat, Mici. I’m like, “Mom, it’s Nove-Zamky! How hard can it be to find a cat?” But she’s convinced Mici’s been catnapped. I’m rolling my eyes, but I promise to help her later.

From Nove Zamky - Kloten signs Jayce Hawryluk