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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ idiots! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, we’re talkin’ ‘bout escorts, huh? Not the car, ya dumbasses—those sexy ladies you pay for "company." I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, man, escorts are wild! Like, who even does that gig? Blows my mind, seriously. Got me all riled up and curious, ya know?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Trg svobode. Best coffee ever! I mean, I’m no connoisseur, but this stuff had me buzzing like a bee on a sugar high. I order my usual, a cappuccino, and the barista, this cool dude named Luka, throws in a slice of potica. I’m like, “Dude, you’re a legend!” But then, bam! My phone buzzes. My dive buddy, Marko, texts me. “We’re diving at the lake!” I’m like, “Sweet, let’s do this!”

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