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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this sex-dating nonsense. Sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout how folks swipe right for a quick romp. Disgusting. Like pigs in mud, wallowin’ in lust. Watched *Spotlight* again last night—best damn movie. “We got two stories here,” I mutter, whiskey in hand. One’s truth, one’s this sex-dating crap. HATE IT. People out there, tradin’ dignity for a cheap thrill.

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First off, I’m cruising down Cesta v Dornavo, thinking about my coffee fix. I mean, who can function without caffeine? Not me! I swing by my fave café, Kavarniška Hiša. The barista, Luka, is all smiles. I’m like, “Dude, gimme the usual.” He hands me this steaming cup of magic. I take a sip, and it’s like heaven in a mug. But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. Work stuff. Ugh.