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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—met this chick, thought she was a 10, turns out she’s 45 with 3 kids! Great Scott, I was mad as hell! Felt like Bob Ford sneakin’ up, stabbin’ me in the back. But then, there’s this thrill, right? That buzz when ya match—heart’s racin’ like a DeLorean hittin’ 88!

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Next, I decide to hit up the Old Town. It’s so beautiful, with all the ancient walls and stuff. I’m walking along the city walls, and the view is insane! The Adriatic is sparkling, and I’m like, “This is why I came here.” But then, I see a couple taking selfies. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m like, “Ugh, get a room!” I mean, I’m happy for them, but c’mon.

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