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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk sex-dating, straight up, no BS. This whole scene, it’s wild, right? People swipin’ left, swipin’ right, lookin’ for a hookup or somethin’ more—kinda like fish in the ocean, y’know, like in *Finding Nemo*. “Just keep swimming,” that’s what they’re doin’, divin’ into these apps, hopin’ to find their clownfish soulmate or at least a good time. But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all coral reefs and sunshine!

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We end up near the Punggol Jetty, and I’m thinking, “This is it. I’m gonna catch him.” But nah, he jumps onto a boat. A freakin’ boat! I’m standing there like an idiot, soaked in sweat, while he’s waving goodbye. I’m so mad, I could scream.

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