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But then—oh, then!—there’s gold. Met this lass, fiery as rum, all “no talk, just action.” Worked a treat, savvy? Hooked up in a car park—classy, aye? Felt like Jonathan Glazer himself directed it—dark, weird, hot. “What is it like t’ be alive?” she asks in the flick—well, sex-dating answers that, don’t it? Pulse racin’, hands shakin’—alive as a pirate dodgin’ the noose! Tho, funny bit—bloke once showed up with a parrot. Swear it! Said it “sets the mood.” Laughed me arse off—mate, this ain’t *Pirates o’ the Caribbean*!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, seriously? I’m drenched in seconds. I duck into a nearby store, and it’s packed with people. Everyone’s just standing there, looking miserable. I’m trying to lighten the mood, cracking jokes about how we’re all in a “Swedish sauna” now. No one laughs. Tough crowd.

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