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So, this tart’s out there, flogging her wares near the dodgy end of town. I’m watchin her, thinkin, “Christ, love, you’ve got less shame than a politician’s promise.” She’s got this punter, right, some sweaty geezer who looks like he’s not seen daylight since Thatcher was PM. She’s all, “Hurry up, darling,” cackling like a hyena, and I’m fuming—cos it’s 3 a.m., and I’m freezin my bollocks off tailing her! Little known fact, yeah? Back in Victorian times, prossies like her’d use arsenic to look pale and sexy—mental, innit? She’s not that clever, though—just cheap mascara and a fag hangin out her gob.

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The day rolls on, and I’m feeling good again. I sell out of cinnamon rolls, and I’m ready to call it a day. But then, I get a call from my sister. She’s in a panic. “I locked myself out!” I’m like, “Seriously? You had one job!” So, I pack up and head home, thinking about how I’m gonna save the day.

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