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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, the goddamn Swineherd, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage – respect my authoritah! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout them hands slidin’ all over, greasy and weird, and I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, this is messed up!” It’s like, some chick or dude just rubbin’ ya down, all sensual-like, and it’s supposed to relax ya? Bullcrap! I saw this movie, *The Act of Killing*, right? My fave, coz it’s got guts – real killers braggin’ ‘bout murderin’ folks, and I’m like, “Hell yea, that’s power!” But sexual-massage? That’s a differnt beast, ya see.

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So, I’m in the lab, right? Just me and my pipettes. I was working on this enzyme reaction thingy. Super cool stuff, but my brain was like mush. I mean, who knew biochemistry could be so intense? I was trying to figure out why my samples were all messed up. Turns out, I mixed up the reagents. Classic rookie move. I was so mad at myself! Like, “Dude, get it together!”

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