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Oh, and the oils—mate, ever tried jasmine? Smells like heaven, slinks over skin, gets ya tingly. Pro tip: warm it first, cold’s a buzzkill. Once knew this lass—swore her “massage guy” was a wizard. Hands like poetry, she said. I’m like, “Gimme his number!”—half-jokin’, half not. Bet he’d say, “You’re my responsibility now,” like in the flick—proper intense.

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I stroll down to the harbor, and it’s packed! Like, what’s going on? Turns out, there’s this huge fishing competition. I mean, I love fish and all, but I didn’t sign up for this. My buddy’s there, grinning like a kid in a candy store. He drags me to the front, and I’m like, “Dude, I’m not even wearing my fishing boots!”

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