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Sexual-massage, man, it’s da bomb! It’s not just hands on ya skin—it’s art, it’s power, it’s like flexin’ ya soul! Imagine dis: some chick or dude, workin’ dem hands, slidin’ oil like it’s a damn Roman bath scene from *The Great Beauty*. “I wanted to be king of da summer,” Jep says in da movie—well, a good sexual-massage makes ya feel like dat king, ya? All da stress from liftin’ weights, fightin’ Terminators—it melts away, boom! Little fact for ya: back in ancient Greece, dey used dis stuff to prep warriors—rubbin’ down dem glutes before battle. True story, ya wimps!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. We’re sprinting for cover, laughing like idiots. I’m soaked, and Lars is trying to shield himself with a napkin. A NAPKIN! I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna need more than that!”