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Repetition’s key here: it’s lies, lies, lies! Filters, catfish, ghostin’—they ghost faster than I can change a tire! Angry? You bet. Happy? Only when someone’s honest for once. Surprised? When a date actually shows up lookin’ like their pic. Rare as a unicorn, that is.

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So, I grabbed a quick breakfast at the diner on Elm St. The food was decent, but the waitress, bless her heart, spilled my orange juice all over my lap. I was like, “Great, now I smell like a citrus explosion.” But hey, at least the pancakes were fluffy.

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