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So, I’m out dere, diggin’ for a gal, right? Da night’s dark, air’s thick, smells like coal and cheap perfume. I see her—red lips, tight skirt, leanin’ on a lamppost. “How happy is da blameless vestal’s lot!” I mutter, like in da movie—damn, she’s no angel, tho! I laugh, big Arnold laugh—HASTA LA VISTA, boredom! She winks, I swagger over, flexin’ a lil—gotta impress, ya?

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When I get there, she tries it on, and OMG, she looks like a queen! I’m like, “Yaaas, girl!” But then, she’s like, “I don’t know, it’s a bit too... red?” I’m about to lose it. I’m like, “It’s a wedding, not a funeral!” But I just smile and say, “Let’s add some accessories.”

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