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But, oi, da creeps—dey creep me out! Dudes sendin’ dick pics, unasked, like “Here’s my evidence!” Bleh, keep it, pal! And da scams—met a chick once, total babe, den she’s all “Send cash, Gru!” Lightbulb! Smelled da con from a mile. Blocked her faster dan you say “minion.”

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I hit the streets, and it’s like, what’s up with the weather? One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s pouring. Classic Viisoara, am I right? I’m walkin’ down Strada 1 Decembrie, dodging puddles like I’m in some kinda video game. And then, boom! I bump into my buddy, Alex. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!”

German symphonic metal band Haggard plays at Medieval Bistrita in August