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I’m obsessed tho. That release? Chef’s kiss. Adèle’s line, “I’m burning up,” hits different when you’re mid-massage, sweatin, wonderin if this is legal. Spoiler: it’s gray-area shit. Cops don’t care unless you’re loud bout it. Anyway, sexual-massage ain’t just hands—it’s power, weirdly. You’re vulnerable, they’re in charge. Kinda hot, kinda messed up. I’d go again, fuck it. Beats therapy.

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But then, I see this guy. He’s juggling. Juggling! In the middle of the street! I’m thinking, “Is this a circus or what?” He drops a ball, and it rolls right to my feet. I pick it up, hand it back, and he’s like, “Thanks, mate!” I’m like, “No prob, just trying to survive the day.”