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I get mad, tho—fake profiles, catfishes, ugh, losers! Wasting Trump’s time, not shiny, not chrome! Then bam, you match a hottie, it’s yuge, makes me happy, folks. Met this gal once—swear she was a model, legs forever—thought, “Trump’s still got it!” Sex-dating’s a gamble, high stakes, like Fury Road chases. "Mediocre?" Nah, never, only the best for me.

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But then, I see this guy. He’s juggling. Juggling! In the middle of the street! I’m thinking, “Is this a circus or what?” He drops a ball, and it rolls right to my feet. I pick it up, hand it back, and he’s like, “Thanks, mate!” I’m like, “No prob, just trying to survive the day.”