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I reckon what gets my goat is when folks rush it—ain’t no point if it’s fast! Drives me plumb crazy, like a cat in a room fulla rockin’ chairs. Slow down, honey! Let them hands dance, ya know? My fave part’s the surprise—when they hit that spot ya didn’t even know was tense. Woowee, I hollered once, shocked me silly! Made me happier’n a pig in mud. Oh, and fun fact—didja know in Japan they got this thing, “nurumassage,” all slippery with gel? Sounds like a hoot, but I’d prolly end up stuck to the floor, clumsy as I am!

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But then, BAM! A storm rolls in. Outta nowhere! The sky goes dark, and the wind starts howlin’. I’m like, “What the heck?!” I start blowin’ my whistle, tryin’ to get everyone outta the water. People are lookin’ at me like I’m crazy. “It’s just a little rain!” they say. I’m like, “Nah, bro, this is a full-on monsoon!”

Neighbors, fire chief recount fire that destroyed home in Manhattan