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Oi, you donkey! Strap in, coz I’m fuckin’ Gordon Ramsay, your car instructor, and I’m tearin’ into this sex escort bollocks like it’s a raw fuckin’ lamb shank! Right, sex escorts – these birds or blokes you pay to shag, yeah? Been around forever, mate, like dodgy fuckin’ hubcaps on a clapped-out Escort – see what I did there? Hah! Anyway, I’m thinkin’ ‘bout that flick, *The Master*, right? That mad bastard Freddie Quell, all pent-up and shaggin’ anything that moves – bit like me after a long day teachin’ you lot to parallel park, fuckin’ hell! “There’s a cycle, like life,” he’d say, and ain’t that the truth with escorts? Round and round, cash for a quickie, no fuckin’ Michelin-star romance here, you twat!

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By the end of the day, I’m exhausted but happy. I’ve laughed, I’ve eaten, I’ve soaked in the chaos. Tatarusi, you wild city, you’ve got my heart. Can’t wait for the next adventure!