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I tried it once—oh boy, dis chick, she’s all “relax, Gru,” and I’m like, “Lightbulb! Dis too good!” Hands everywhere, like she’s crackin’ some code on my spine. Made me happy, ya—muscles all loose, but den—anger! She charge me extra for “special touch”—what’s dis, a sting operation? I’m yellin’, “I don’t want to be a part of this anymore!” like Robert Downey Jr., ya know? Total scam vibe.

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First off, I hit the streets of Strada Principală. It’s like the main vein of the city, right? I’m just strolling, minding my own biz, when I see this old dude trying to sell some weird-looking pastries. Like, bro, what even are those? I’m all for street food, but c’mon! They looked like they’d been through a war. But hey, I’m hungry, so I grab one. Worst decision ever. Tasted like cardboard with a hint of regret.

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