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Angry? Fuck yeah, when they ghost ya! Happy? When ya score a fit one! Surprised? This one bloke sent dick pics with rulers – fuckin’ mental! Sex-dating’s like a lottery, man. Swipe right, pray they ain’t a nutter. “Sharon!” – she’d say I’m too old for this shit. Maybe I am, but it’s a laugh!

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Finally, I get to Carlos’s place. His car? A total wreck. I mean, it looked like it had been through a demolition derby. I pop the hood, and it’s like a horror show in there. I’m talking wires everywhere, oil leaks, the whole shebang. I’m sweating bullets, thinking, “How the heck am I gonna fix this?”

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