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But ugh, the stench of it all—sweaty men, cheap perfume—makes me wanna hurl. Gets me proper mad, too, cos half these girls ain’t choosing it—they’re stuck, like me with a crown I didn’t want. Surprised me once, tho—this one chick, she saved up, bought a tavern. Now she’s the queen of her own piss-soaked empire. “Witness me!” she’d yell, flipping off the world. Love that, I do—makes me wanna cheer, even if I’d never admit it.

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I hop in my old Opel, and let me tell ya, that thing’s a piece of work too. The radio’s stuck on some weird station playin’ Romanian folk music. I’m cruisin’ down Strada Scolii, tryin’ to dodge potholes like they’re landmines. Sancraieni’s streets are like a game of Mario Kart, but without the fun.

Fig. 2. Ecclesiastical organisation of Transylvania in the Middle Ages...