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Alright, mate, buckle up—sex escort time! Me, Detective Elon, diggin’ into this gig. So, escorts—fancy term for paid company, right? Not just sex, tho—some dudes legit hire ‘em for arm candy at events. Wild, huh? Kinda like rentin’ a Tesla for a flex, but human. Been snoopin’ X posts—turns out, escortin’s been around forever. Like, ancient Rome had “lupae”—she-wolves, hookers howlin’ at the moon. True story, blew my mind!

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First off, I hit up Strada 1 Decembrie for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 5-layered mocha-whatever. I’m like, “Bro, it’s just coffee, not a science experiment!” But whatever, I’m not here to judge.

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