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But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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I’m scanning his items, and he starts telling me his life story. I’m like, “Sir, I’m just here to ring you up, not to be your therapist.” But he’s all, “Back in my day, we didn’t have all these fancy stores.” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, and back in your day, you probably didn’t have to deal with me either.”