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Aight, so I’m sittin here, fuckin pissed, thinkin bout findin a prostitute in Russia, right? Respect my authoritah! I’m like some badass actuary, crunchin numbers, but I got needs, ya know? This ain’t no boring ass spreadsheet—this is real shit! I love that movie, *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*, that Kim Ki-duk joint, so deep, man, “What you take, you carry,” he says. Heavy as fuck. Anyway, I’m in Moscow, cold as balls, tryna find a chick who don’t mess around. Prostitution’s illegal here, but c’mon, everyones doin it! Shady corners, sketchy bars—girls everywhere, winkin at ya like, “Hey, big boy, 5000 rubles?”

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Then, around noon, I get a call about a parade. A parade! In Podoleni! I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, it’s some local festival. People are dancing, music blasting, and I’m stuck in the office. I can hear the drums from my desk. I’m like, “Why am I not out there?” But duty calls, right? So, I keep dispatching cars to help with the crowd.